Remy told me he loved me today.
I’m healthy now but I still want to kill myself.
Coming to the unfortunate conclusion that Panda hated me the entire time we dated but felt bad for me so he stayed around.
I don’t think about Chris and Joey at all really anymore and I only think about Panda because I’m really hurt that he is bitter towards me. I wish he would have talked to me about everything and why he got bitter. He always bottled everything up. I hope he’s doing okay. I really do.
But on a different note, the only person in my heart right now is Remy, and i intend on keeping it that way for a really long time. And I am absolutely terrified of my feelings for him. I’m falling for him and it feels different than all the other times I’ve fallen for someone. I don’t know if I want to fall in love this soon or even at all ever again. All I know is I am not saying anything about it first.
The other night Remy looked at me like how Chris used to look at me when we were in love and I have missed being looked at like that for the past two years.
Remy came back yesterday and he’s moving all his stuff in and today he asked me to be his girlfriend and ahhhh. My therapist thinks we don’t need to see each other anymore because she sees I’m in a really good place and I’m so happy and thankful that everything has fallen into place and gotten very good.
My depression and anxiety has ruined my last two relationships, so why wouldn’t it ruin this one, too?