I don’t know how to tell remy that I think I want to harm myself again and that I think I want to wait a while before we become official.
I am probably going to tear open my wrists very soon and hope I bleed to death.
Realized yesterday I have a lot of people who love me and just because Panda didn’t tell me happy birthday doesn’t mean I’m a fuck up. I’m great and wonderful and he’s just a sour jerk.
On Sunday we would have celebrated our 3 year anniversary. I wonder if you’re thinking about that, too.
On Sunday we would have celebrated our 10 months. I know you don’t remember what the 14th meant to you.
Finding out you’ve fucked basically everyone in south florida besides like seven people makes me want to throw up. I regret you so much
It’s horrible, too, because I have NO ONE to talk to about this. Like, as much as Panda made me feel pretty bad, I could talk to him about my feelings and even though he didn’t want to hear what I was saying, he listened. I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t have a best friend, I just don’t have anyone to talk to about how all I’ve been thinking about lately is killing myself and I am riddled with such crippling sadness. I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to die but I’ve worked so hard to get where I am at, it’d be so silly to throw everything away just to run away from my sadness. I can’t even say I’m running from my problems, because it’s not that. I have NO reason to feel this sadness in me, I just do…
I just want to cry all the time. I want to open my flesh up in hopes it’ll make me feel something other than hopelessness. Fuck I can’t believe I’m getting bad again I was making so much progress I was doing so well and now I’m here again and I can feel my walls caving in and I can feel myself being weighed down by this giant burden sitting upon my shoulders.
I guess it’s safe to say I am officially “depressed” again and I want to kill myself. Please God let me die this time.